A couple of hours ago, I was watching this movie called Waitress starring one of my absolute dream women, Keri Russell. You know her.
|You know me. Yes?|
Just as I was wondering if the drool was apparent, Angie — who was really busy checking some website — said, "She's dead. Somebody killed her." That stopped me right in my tracks. Let's just say that if I'd been sitting on a horse, I would have fallen right off. Instead, I pressed the pause button and looked at poor little Keri, beautiful Keri, sweet sweet... "WHAT??"
"Yes, she was hanged. Some 19-year-old guy choked her with a sheet, tied it around her neck and strung her up to make it look like she'd committed suicide."
"She was HANGED?" Sitting on my night-time buddy, Mr. Couch, I looked at my not-so-very-flat-screen, mouth wide open. "She's dead?" (silence) "WTF?" (silence) "Hanged?" (silence) I kept shaking my head in disbelief, muttering things like "Dear Lord n' heaven above... People are animals... I hate people... People suck... Why don't we just burn them all? Keep the fire burning. Keep it burning hot."
And then, when I was back to my own self again (oh darn)... "Hanged. Why am I not even surprised? Poor poor woman. That poor poor woman. Hanged?"
I was pretty upset alright. I kept thinking Why am I always the last one to hear that somebody is dead? I am bound to miss my own funeral. Elvis dies on me in the year Dot, then my grandfather dies on me in the year Dot Plus One. Michael Crichton... dead, Donna Summer... dead (What?), Nora Ephron... dead (Say it ain't so!), Roger Ebert, Robin Williams, too... all gone... and all the while I didn't know a frigging thing. Which, incidentally, may explain why I am invariably the last one to comment on your posts, I know.
I switched off the TV, grabbed myself a bite to eat (comfort food, mind you), and I typed her name: Keri Russell. Poor Keri. She... wasn't dead. What? "ANGIE!!!!! She isn't dead!"
"No, one of her friends in the movie was hanged. Not her."
Poor friend in the movie... Yes, I still feel guilty for being relieved.
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